Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Rental Review: Ford Focus

Some crack string theory scientists subscribe to the theory of infinite universes or "multiverse". Somewhere on that infinite, flat timeline I'm actually an auto journalist for Jalopnik. But I live in this universe where I toil away as a middle-management public servant. In keeping the dream alive it's time to introduce our newest segment: Rental Car Review.

In this series we take advantage of the numerous times my job takes me across the empire state. Generally speaking this travel requires the use of a rental car from a company that shall remain unnamed. This series is less about the rental company and more about the ride. Also, I'm making an assumption that these are the types of cars most drivers rely on daily - a small or midsize vehicle, typically sedan-ish and modestly equipped. So, maybe this will be fun or maybe it will simply feed my car obsession.

This past week I took a road trip to Oswego, NY. If I were a travel writer in a parallel universe I'd wax poetic about the romantic welcome offered by the big nuclear power plant right on Main. Instead, we're going to discuss the 2015 Ford Focus that got me there and back.

Nicely equipped with heat, a/c, power windows, and a radio, the Focus got the job done. Overall, more good than bad.

Don't buy this car: First, the EcoBoost engine shudders, shimmies, and shakes at 0-20 mph. It's fine after that but it's disconcerting off the line. Second, it's small. I'm no giant but I felt like I barely fit (confession: I happily leased an early Focus 15 years and 15 lbs ago so it might not be the car). Third, this model didn't have the one-touch window up feature. That's critical when dealing with toll roads. Finally, sound system isn't great and the car rides a little loud; both of which impact music quality.

Buy this car: First, it's a lot of fun to drive. After you pass 20 mph it's easy to see why younger drivers are attracted to the Focus. It's small, lightweight, and you can zip around. Could easily upgrade to the ST and really spin some wheels. Second, Sync gets a lot of heat for poor functionality but I hooked up my iPhone to play music in about 10 seconds. Kids today need more than music so maybe it's a problem but it did right by me. Third, can't argue MPG. A full tank of gas took me round trip from Buffalo to Oswego. That's never a bad thing. Finally, made in America. The 2015s are but Ford is negotiating with the United Auto Workers and it's expected that smaller cars like the Focus will soon be made in Mexico. So, if earth friendly made in America is your thing - get 'em while you can.


Saturday, January 17, 2015

Kill All the Lawyers

You live in western New York and need a lawyer. There is no shortage of ambulance chasers but who can you call? How can you reach them and, more importantly, when can you call? Because you need help now. For your convenience, we offer the Dumbarton's Brew Guide to WNY's Premier Ambulance Chasers Attorneys at Law. The firms below met our rigorous review standards. They were not chosen simply because their phone number consists of one even number. Actually, the phone number is the only reason.



Dial: 716.222.2222
Web: http://www.wnydwi.com/default.aspx
Summary: The Turbo Team specialty is DWI and apparently nothing else. As they say, pick one thing you're good at and stick with it. However, you can call 24/7 and they are happy to come visit you at your home or office; because the boss loves when his employees meet with lawyers at work.


Dial: 716.444.4444
Web: http://www.williammattar.com/
Summary: Personal injury focusing primarily on, you guessed it, auto accidents. Really, helping people is what they do. Also, they have a "No Fee Guarantee" - you don't pay unless Mattar wins your case (little known fact, this is how it always works).


Dial: 716.666.6666
Web: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118971/
Summary: Some say it's the most powerful law firm in the country. They only hire lawyers that have never lost a case. The only thing it will cost.....is your soul.


Dial: 800.888.8888
Web: http://www.cellinoandbarnes.com/
Summary: Previously Cellino, Dwyer and Barnes. Rumor has it the shameless chasing was too much for Dwyer so he took off to do some honest lawyerin'. Personal injury attorneys that advertise primarily for auto and construction accidents but they can do it all. Medical malpractice - check. Truck accidents (yes, it's different than auto) - check. Defective products - check. Even dog bites! Cellino & Barnes offers a No Fee Promise (see No Fee Guarantee above). Also, you can text them.