Marketing is for Chumps

Sometimes beauty really is on the outside.

Three Floyds Brewing Company - Munster, IN

Community Beer Works - Buffalo, NY

Adirondack Brewery - Lake George, NY

Because We Can

We don’t do a lot of automobile reviews here on Dumbarton’s Beer. We tend to leave things like this to the experts. Besides, I always assumed my first review would cover the 1968 Mustang I just purchased. However, relocating to Buffalo means I’ve traded enhanced revenue for quality of life so the Mustang is on hold indefinitely.

There are a couple of reasons for expanding Dumbarton’s Beer into the auto world. First, if you’re not innovating your dying (I think I read that in Forbes). Second, I am eminently qualified to do this because I watch a lot of auto-related shows. Third, it’s a natural fit having grown up in and around the auto industry. Fourth, the trusty assistant was "on holiday" at press time and I’m home with sick kids. Two sleepless nights means that if I have a beer I will fall asleep before any attempt at writing about it. Finally, suck an egg.

While those are all perfectly legitimate reasons for an auto review the primary driver (pun intended) is my love-hate relationship with new cars. 

Case Study: the 2012 Ford Fusion SEL I4.

This really is the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you want a real, quality review search through Jalopnik. If you want test track data and comparisons against other mid-size sedans search through Motor Trend. Either of which will prove infinitely more informative.

The Good

As far as I can tell, SEL is code for “loaded”. This particular model is really only missing AWD and two cylinders (more on that below). Here is the list of options: six colors of ambient lighting, automatic headlights, fog lights, leather, AM/FM/CD/Sirius, Sync, Sony sound, 12v plugs, power seats driver and passenger, power windows including one-touch for driver and passenger, sunroof, blind side warning, variable windshield wipers that automatically determine speed based on rain, rearview camera for reverse, chrome stuff, and floor mats. Can anybody tell me why floor mats are an “option”?

The Bad

I4 is the engine code and the four represents the number of cylinders. By far the worst thing about this car is the four cylinders. Yes, they upped the HP for the 2012 but it’s still sluggish off the start. Once you are cruising you have no trouble. Still, get the six cylinder engine. I don’t notice the missing AWD though I might change my opinion after driving through my first Buffalo winter in a decade.

The Ugly

The Fusion is made in Mexico. Every day I drive to work and pass a Ford plant that makes parts of the Escape, Edge and Flex. Some 2013s will be made in the US so that helps.

My biggest complaint applies not just to this Fusion but to all of today’s cars. Like smartphones today’s cars are making us dumb. In this case, cars are making us dumb at driving. I once drove a stick shift Focus and to this day it was one of the most fun cars to drive. The driving experience is so much better because you are part of the car. Thanks to the Focus, I will never again be able to drive in reverse without the rearview camera. I expect that 6 months from now I will forget how to operate windshield wipers. All this means I can never own that '68 Mustang without being a complete menace on the roads.

We Owe Frank Curci A Beer

The relocation of our headquarters has not been without challenge. We officially made the move on August 11-12, 2012. However, due to timing and poor planning (mostly the latter and by me) we finished moving on August 18-19, 2012. It is this secondary move where we begin our story.

On Thursday August, 16, 2012, our trusty assistant made a pilgrimage to the local supermarket, TOPS Markets* to pick up a few things for the second phase of our relocation – bottled water, snack bars, and other requirements for a 950 mile, 24-hour trek. Feeling generous our trusty assistant also picked up a bomber of Wailing Wench by Middle Ages Brewing. Late in the evening we realized that bottled water and the bomber went missing – left on the counter at the cash register.

You can get water out of the tap but we never leave a beer behind. A quick call to the local store manager resolved the situation. Bring in the receipt and pick up your bomber anytime before 4p the following day we were told. That is customer service.

Meanwhile....if you ever traveled Georgia Avenue between Silver Spring and Petworth you know that it is stop and go on a good day. It’s only a slight exaggeration to say there is a light at every block and they are timed to make sure you get caught (the Walter Reed hospital area is the worst). So, after 7 hours in the car I hop off the Beltway and make my way South on Georgia Avenue. At the first light I hear a thump under my seat and assume I ran over something. At the second light I hear it again and fear that worse than running something over I have car trouble that will make this trip longer than it already is. By the sixth light I am reaching under my seat trying to grab whatever it was. Of course, today’s cars all have power seats and all sorts of wiring and boxes that prevent an easy reach while driving (safety not withstanding). When I park the car at our pervious headquarters I get out and reach under the seat from the back side and pull out a bomber of Wailing Wench.

Fortunately by then our trusty assistant had requisitioned the previously missing bomber from TOPS Markets. That is why I owe Frank Curci, CEO of TOPS Markets, a beer.

*Disclaimer: The author worked at TOPS Markets for several years during college stocking shelves in the Dairy/Frozen Department and generally causing mayhem for customers but it was great fun.

News Release: Dumbarton's Beer Announces Corporate Relocation

August 3, 2012 (Washington, DC) - In a press conference today Dumbarton's Beer announces the relocation of its international and intergalactic headquarters from the capital of the free world, Washington, DC to the capital of winter, Buffalo, NY.

The move to upstate New York will allow Dumbarton's Beer to recognize enhanced craft beer social media economies of scale, create greater efficiency within the company's various output channels, and reduce our carbon footprint. The relocation will increase the population of western New York by at least four. While specific data is not available this increase could lead to the creation of thousands of jobs and a Super Bowl victory for the Buffalo Bills.

The President and Chief Beer Drinker for Dumbarton's Beer said "we are excited for the opportunity presented in upstate New York and we very much look forward to imbibing in the various upstate craft beers. Dumbarton's Beer is very proud of the growing craft beer segment in Washington, DC. With a little luck, Dumbarton's Beer can do for Buffalo area beer what it did for Washington, DC brewers - which amounts to little more than drinking as much of their beer as possible." He specifically mentioned Franklin's (Hyattsville), Chocolate City, and DC Brau; and went on to thank area Petworth pubs including DC Reynolds and Looking Glass Lounge.

Dumbarton's Beer will officially open the new headquarters on August 13, 2012.

Staff of Dumbarton's Beer are not available for media interviews or press inquiries at this time.

Video Friday at Dumbarton's Beer

Courtesy of the fine folks at the  Washington City Paper. A friendly competition to see which local beer experts know their beer. Read about it here.




This one is just for fun. "All we need is one pin, Rodney."

An Oasis in the Desert

Living along the Northeast Corridor means you are an elitist. Living inside the Beltway makes you an elitist. I live in Washington, DC proper, which means I'm more elitist than just about any other elitist. It also means I'm either a marginally douchey, self-important hipster or a self-important political a**hole, er I mean, policy wonk. The rarest of elitists are both.

Living in Washington, DC requires a healthy disdain for the suburbs. Even though I have young kids and will eventually sell out to live in Bethesdsa, Arlington, or Chevy Chase (ok, not CC - I am a poor elitist). So, I appreciate the irony of relocating to the Crystal City Radisson while renovating the only bathroom in my city rowhouse.

Crystal City is maybe the worst of the suburban landscape. Big, fat Highway 1, named after a leader of the Confederacy, divides what is little more than condominiums, apartments, hotels, and office buildings. Crystal City starts roughly at the Americana Hotel and ends appropriately at a strip mall. The mall includes a Target, Best Buy, Starbucks, IHOP (not iHOP?) and a brewpub called Hops. Wait, a brewpub? Don't worry, it's a chain - a wholly owned subsidiary of Rita Restaurant Corporation. The Crystal City Metro stop in the height of tourist season is a reasonable facsimile for the Gates of Hell. Tourists* stand around in their gaudy t-shirts reminding me that while they are on vacation I'm going to work. Making matters worse is they stand on both sides of the Metro faregates because half don't know where to put the fare cards and the other half are required to block the opposite side as a precaution. Yesterday there was literally a line to get through the faregates - leaving the Metro. If you got into the system chances are the process for getting out is the same. They also stand at the ticket machines (which I freely admit are not particularly user-friendly) trying to determine where they are going, what is the fare, and why is there a rush+. OK, we all ask about the rush+.

Cafe Pizzaiolo in Crystal City, VA

The 500 block of South 23rd Street is the oasis of this desert. There are several nice local establishments along the avenue but I would like to focus on Cafe Pizzaiolo. It's a pizza parlor with gelato and a solid craft beer selection. The Cafe combines locally sourced ingredients with Italian imports to create excellent New York-style pizza. They also offer pasta and pannini but we focused on the pizza. The hummus is made in house and was a big win with the family.Try the chocolate chip gelato for dessert (not desert) and you will not be disappointed.

Nothing against Cafe Pizzaiolo's food but this is a beer blog. The happy hour special was three dollar pints of Yuengling. They offer an array of craft brews and some major labels (Bud, Stella, Corona, etc) as well. Perhaps the best part of this joint is that you can purchase beer to go by the six pack for $11.99. Mix-and-match or six of the same. Needless to say, I had a couple pints of Yuengling and took a six pack to the hotel room.

Here is a quick rundown of what Cafe Pizzaiolo offers:

Magic Hat #9
Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA 
Dogfish Head Raison D'Etre
Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale
New Belgium Fat Tire
Bells Oberon
Bells Two Hearted Ale
Shiner Bock
Star Hill Amber Ale
Yeungling
Founders Red's Rye PA

In summation: the suburbs aren't so terrible after all. Tourists - still awful (just stay to the right).

*Coming from the third poorest city in the country I make it a rule to refrain from harping on tourists. If for no other reason than the the tax revenue they bring to the DMV. Some places would love such trouble. However, every rule requires an exception.

The World's Most Useful iPad App

Magician Simon Pierro at the "Hofbraeuhaus" in Munich, Germany.