Time for a New Christmas Tradition

Another Christmas holiday has come and gone. The best part of this particular holiday is the television. Christmas specials ranging from Charlie Brown and the Grinch to National Lampoon and A Christmas Story. With DVR and streaming access you can literally watch these specials every waking moment of the season. Ho ho ho yourself into a Christmas coma.

In 2015, let's add to the repertoire. I humbly suggest 1985's Better Off Dead.

Better Off Dead stars a young John Cusack as Lane Myer; a high school student in Greendale recently dumped by his girlfriend. Hijinks ensue when Lane focuses his energy on winning back Beth and finding various ways to deal with his depression. Lane eventually meets Monique, a foreign exchange student living with his neighbor Ricky, while trying to make a run at the K12. In the meantime, Lane lands a job at Char Burger (everybody wants some) and openly street races with two locals who learned English by watching Howard Cosell.

What is often overlooked in Better Off Dead is the Christmas subtext of the movie. Al Myer and his neighbor get matching winter coats. Monique gets an explanation of Christmas from Ricky's Mom; who is not sure if the holiday is celebrated in France. Jenny Myer gets a boatload of tv dinners. 

Everybody remembers Johnny's tenacious demands for his two dollars (plus tip) but this is really a Christmas story with a miracle happy ending. Lane gets the girl and the car, bests the K12, and blows up Ricky's mom. Miracle on 34th Street has nothing on this. If you haven't seen this movie multiple times, you're an idiot - go watch it now. If you have, maybe next year take a break from 24 hours of A Christmas Story to watch something different. Let's all make Better Off Dead a new Christmas classic.

Eleventh Beer of Christmas (2014)

On the third day of Christmas my trusty assistant brought to me a Shiner Holiday Cheer;
a Victory Winter Cheers;
and a Harpoon Winter Warmer

Today we break from the Christmas holiday to celebrate Festivus; which begins with the Airing of the Grievances. In the spririt of Frank Costanza here are my grievances...

War on ______. This is mostly about the fake "war on Christmas" but we could discuss ad nausea the failed "war on drugs" and even the almost-successful "war on poverty". At the end of the day, I'm against anybody claiming there is a war on anything unless there is an actual war (you know, the ones with planes and tanks and where soldiers die). Seriously, it is disrespectful to any member of the armed forces who daily risk their lives for our freedoms and political agendas. So stop it.

Paranoia and faux rage. I blame the Internet but maybe it started with cable news. Regardless, when did discourse become so awful? Today we all have our own facts and you're either with me or against me. People can't possibly be this passionate about so many topics. This plays out most prominently in the US Congress but it seems to be everywhere. I once followed a Facebook conversation debating the merits of New York creating new license plates. Obama and Cuomo have been coming for your guns for at least six years. None of this would be a problem except that it gets in the way of accomplishing anything. I'm not suggesting we all just get along. In fact, that's just as bad but seriously, it's time to let it go and get something done.

Slate headlines. Could they be any more condescending? I mean, really.

The flu and it's partner strep. Both hit my house this weekend; just in time to ruin Christmas Eve. My son got it so bad that I panicked Sunday morning and got the ineffective flu shot. Fortunately, there was strep too - my viral nemesis. Water - orange juice - pee break. That's my rotation. I haven't gone within three feet of any immediate family since Saturday. I've even been staying away from alcohol (until tonight). Everybody is contagious tomorrow's midnight showing of A Christmas Story. It would be less bothersome if these two morons didn't ruin something every winter.

Second Beer of Christmas (2014)

"It is the fight alone that pleases us, not the victory."

-Blaise Pascal

On the second day of Christmas my trusty assistant brought to me a Victory Winter Cheers;

and a Harpoon Winter Warmer

I have no idea how much fight went into making Winter Cheers. I also have no idea if Pascal ever really said the above quote but as a sports fan living in Buffalo I can say the fight alone can be pretty awful. Facing Green Bay tomorrow should be fun. Wait, what are we talking about?

Winter Cheers is a Hefeweizen. It's cloudy, dry, and kinda sweet. There's some spice at the end, I think. I don't know. I'm tired, my head hurts and I have gas. I really just want to enjoy this beer and fall asleep watching Christmas Vacation. Pass the Tylenol - and another Winter Cheers.

Fifth Beer of Christmas (2014)

Here's your picture

It's getting to the point where this waste of space is good only for a half-hearted attempt at providing a list of craft beers somewhere between Thanksgiving and the end of the year. Since the holidays are all about tradition we once again bring you the 12 Beers of Christmas.

On the first day of Christmas my trusty assistant brought to me Harpoon's Winter Warmer.

Today's theme is change. We first brought you Winter Warmer in 2010. Effectively referring to it as coal in the stocking, this is what we said:

"Now we're sitting here with four Winter Warmers and we're not entirely sure what to do with it.  There's something inherently wrong with pouring beer down the drain, particularly if we can find a few who might enjoy a Warmer.  In fact, we dislike this brew so much we didn't bother taking a picture."

Man, that's harsh.

Maybe it's the relocation to the Canadian border. Maybe it's a new appreciation for life after surviving a snow storm that brought 70 plus inches in four days. Maybe I'm just getting old. Regardless, the philosophy of this brew has completely changed. The nutmeg and cinnamon are wonderful. It's a little sweet and solid bodied. We're getting another 12 inches of snow tonight, which now seems like child's play, so I expect to have a few more to warm the cockles of my heart.

There's a lesson in here about not worrying what others say on beer (or anything) and about trying something only once. Let people help guide you but make your own decisions. In the end, the quality beers will move to the front of the line....even if it takes a few years.

Finally, it would be criminal to reference 12 inches of snow and not end with this: