Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Eleventh Beer of Christmas (2014)

On the third day of Christmas my trusty assistant brought to me a Shiner Holiday Cheer;
a Victory Winter Cheers;
and a Harpoon Winter Warmer

Today we break from the Christmas holiday to celebrate Festivus; which begins with the Airing of the Grievances. In the spririt of Frank Costanza here are my grievances...

War on ______. This is mostly about the fake "war on Christmas" but we could discuss ad nausea the failed "war on drugs" and even the almost-successful "war on poverty". At the end of the day, I'm against anybody claiming there is a war on anything unless there is an actual war (you know, the ones with planes and tanks and where soldiers die). Seriously, it is disrespectful to any member of the armed forces who daily risk their lives for our freedoms and political agendas. So stop it.

Paranoia and faux rage. I blame the Internet but maybe it started with cable news. Regardless, when did discourse become so awful? Today we all have our own facts and you're either with me or against me. People can't possibly be this passionate about so many topics. This plays out most prominently in the US Congress but it seems to be everywhere. I once followed a Facebook conversation debating the merits of New York creating new license plates. Obama and Cuomo have been coming for your guns for at least six years. None of this would be a problem except that it gets in the way of accomplishing anything. I'm not suggesting we all just get along. In fact, that's just as bad but seriously, it's time to let it go and get something done.

Slate headlines. Could they be any more condescending? I mean, really.

The flu and it's partner strep. Both hit my house this weekend; just in time to ruin Christmas Eve. My son got it so bad that I panicked Sunday morning and got the ineffective flu shot. Fortunately, there was strep too - my viral nemesis. Water - orange juice - pee break. That's my rotation. I haven't gone within three feet of any immediate family since Saturday. I've even been staying away from alcohol (until tonight). Everybody is contagious tomorrow's midnight showing of A Christmas Story. It would be less bothersome if these two morons didn't ruin something every winter.

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