InBev, you continue to be the bane of our existence. You are the corporate version of that relationship everybody has once in life. She's relatively pretty or even hot, somehow mysterious (maybe it's the French accent or maybe she's goth), the sex is crazy, the partying is crazier, late nights and work hangovers are the norm. It's white hot for three minutes and you spend the next 6 months (sort of) trying to end things. Looking back you loved every minute of it. You hated every minute of it too. InBev, you are the destructive relationship we can't escape.
Why can't we let you go? It's the beer. Stella Artois (for telling the bar you are a beer snob), Hoegaarden (bitches n' hoes), Leffe (we don't know what "abbey beer" means but we like it), and Budweiser (back to our roots, American).
Why do we hate you? We gave the benefit of the doubt when you gobbled up Anheuser-Busch and you promptly thanked us by dismissing much of the St. Louis staff. Now we get the 1-2 sucker punch of price hikes and discontinued free beer at theme parks. Starting in march your prices go up a meager 3.5 percent but, in case you didn't notice, there's a recession going on (see this story on the 2.6 million jobs lost in 2008 as a primer). We don't have rugrats running around but we always assumed the best thing about kids was taking them Busch Gardens so they can hit the rides and we can get a free beer for our troubles. Thanks for ending that. Now the kids will get to spend more time in the library and at math camp.