Dark Times and Free Beer

Anheuser-Busch's Budweiser brand has been getting killed lately.  According to USA Today, Bud unit sales are down 9 percent from last year.  Further evidence of the decline is Bud's place on the Brand Keys Loyalty Leaders list, which ranks consumer loyalty of the top 501 consumer brands (presumably Levi's 501 Original Jeans ranks high on this list).  In 2003, Bud was number 16 but dropped to 220 in 2010.  Things are so bad for the brand that Anheuser-Busch recently started charging up to $2,000 for Budweiser's Clydesdales appearances - sorry Timmy, your stuck with Bozo the clown for your birthday.

The folks at Anheuser-Busch are not going to let the craft brew industry get in the way of their world beer domination so they're unveiling a new, hip marketing push: Bud Emo.

That's right, born in Washington, DC and now representing much of what's hip in music, fashion, and Justin Beiber, emo is going adult contemporary.  Anheuser-Busch is attempting to reach the under 30 crowd, which it has all but ignored in recent years.  Going forward, all Bud brand labels will be in black though certain labels will include a trim of nauseatingly bright colors.  The new slim fitting Bud bottles will be decked out in studded black belt trimmed labels.  Select cases of Bud and Bud Light will come with a free pair of thick, black, horn-rimmed glasses.  The movement will culminate with a free Bud tasting on September 29, 2010, at the National Budweiser Happy Hour (ages 21 and over).

If you're under 30 and want to get ahead of the curve we are here to help.  We scoured the interwebs to find the graphic below.  Follow the detailed fashion advice, download some Weezer, order a Bud, and commence with sharing the tragedy that is your life.  Never forget that you're emo, you're under 30 so nothing is more important than the trumped up pain your feeling right now.  In fact, you should stop reading this and tweeter your pain so we can all share in the center of the universe that is you.