ESB Easy as 1-2-3

It dawned on us that this blog is supposed to include a fair amount of brew reviews and we've been slacking. Why have we been less accountable than a presidential candidate? We really don't have a good reason except to say that like any good Gen-Xers, we're lazy.

So, we found ourselves at our semi-local watering hole, Franklin's passing the time watching the Flyers face off against the Thrashers because there's nothing else on. Seriously, it was that or the end of the ESPN interview of Brett Favre's wife - a disseration on the uselessness of ESPN will someday be covered by our friends at Gheorge.

This evening we decided to go crazy on Franklin's newest brew Anne's ESB. Here's what we know about the brew. Anne is one of Franklin's finest - a day manager. Some have said she's bitter, like the aforementioned ESB (or our ex-wives), but we can't confirm as our midweek drinking is reserved for the evenings. We prefer to be hungover at our 9-5, not drunk. ESB is "extra special bitter" - not exactly marketing genius but don't let that scare you. This beer is where it's at if you like a complex flavor. It's literally brewed with 6 different hops and 6 different malts and the result is 6 percent alcohol - appropriately completing the late October trifecta. We're not saying ESB is evil but the flavor is pretty bad ass - if you can handle a bitter beer and flavor too.

Beer Drinkin' Woman

We should all wear blue pants like that once in awhile.

Free Beer Tuesday!

And as usual there is a catch. A club out of Pensacola called HandleBar is offering free beer to everyone who turns out to cast a vote in the November elections. Unfortunately, you can only get one beer for one vote - we believe it's in the Constitution (unless you live in Washington, DC). Sources claim that if you contact your local ACORN representative they can help verify that you voted more than once. We can't promise this will result in more free beer but it's worth a shot.

Since you don't get any kind of receipt for voting, the fine folks at the HandleBar are trading the commonly handed out "I voted" sticker for the free beer. We encourage everybody in the Pensacola area to vote early and vote often. If you prefer to ignore your civic duty you can always purchase a roll of "I voted" stickers for you and your friends here.

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

School bus driver James Pruitt was arrested yesterday for "allegedly" stopping at the local ShopRite and grabbing a quick beer. What he stopped was the school bus he was driving, with one child still on board. Presumably he did not want to create a bad impression for the child so Mr. Pruitt was smart enough to chug the beer before getting back behind the wheel to finish his route. Needless to say, Mr. Pruitt was arrested and has a November 19th date with the judge.

This comes awfully close to our Father of the Year - UK Style post. Let it not be said that us Yankees will ever be out done by the Brits and their red coats.

Get Blind Drunk and Pull the Lever

Early voting has started in several states - Like New Mexico, where a woman from Albuquerque got herself completely hammered before showing up to the election site. The woman was reportedly so disappointed in her choices for president that she actually passed out while voting. Be honest - there's a little bit of this woman in all of us. In case you're wondering, it's not illegal to be drunk while casting your vote in Albuquerque. It's not clear that she completed her ballot but officials have declared her vote will count. Democracy at it's finest.

Not to be outdone is the country of Guatemala where they actually have to ban the sale of alcohol prior to their presidential elections. Apparently being sober when you vote allows you to be constantly reminded that you voted for the guy in office that is driving the country into the ground. Of course, Guatemalans are good drinkers and there are reports that many people started stocking up on booze before the ban.

All I Wanna Do Is Zima Zima and a Boom Boom

As far as we can tell the official death of the '90s arrived on October 20, 2008. It started with the death of Layne Staley and ended yesterday with the announcement that MillerCoors LLC will stop making the malternative beverage, Zima.

Zima has been called a lot of things - crap, awful, Sprite with alcohol. To us, Zima is the godfather of today's pop-malt beverages in the same way Neil Young is the godfather to alternative music. Were it not for Zima we might not have Mike's Hard Lemonade, Smirnoff Twisted, and any of the lame beers now being pushed with lemon and/or lime. For better or worse, there's a market for these drinks.

It's not the drink itself rather the memories it evokes. Wearing flannel and work boots with shorts like Eddie Vedder. Pretending to like Mudhoney because they're from Seattle. Wondering why Metallica dressed alternative and still played heavy metal (please remember to get your Metallica music legally!). Most importantly - watching Singles with your girlfriend and running off to the house party hoping to get her drunk on Zima while you forced down Natural Light Ice - because every beer was "ice" back in the day.

So, good bye '90s. Today we grow up and pretend to care about our jobs. Zima - well, we actually thought you left years ago.

Finally, A Real Exit Strategy in Iraq

You want to bring peace to Iraq and, frankly, all of the middle east? The first step is probably opening a beer hall in Kurdish-controlled northern Iraq. The Press Association (sersiously? There is an Associated Press and a Press Association?) is reporting that Gunter Voelker opened the beer hall and even threw his own version of an Oktoberfest complete with drindl-clad waitresses. Said Mr. Voekler, the festival can be held with people from "all over the world in peace and in a real good mood."

We have high hopes for this new peace movement because nothing is more appreciated in the middle east than scantily clad women and alcohol. If only we could force them all to play baseball instead of soccer...

Father of the Year - UK Style

The Telegraph reports today that one of the finer red coats, Randy Lewis, got himself hammered on the alcohol (and cocaine). Being the safe drive he is, Mr. Lewis had his son take the keys and drive home with several other passengers. Mr. Lewis' son is 10 years old - but he is mature beyond his years. According to the story, Mr. Lewis was in the vehicle with at least one other adult.

Reaching speeds of up to 90 MPH (144 KPH for our metric friends), the kid flipped the vehicle. After the crash, the other adult passenger was seen stuffing her face with pills until police intervened. Mr. Lewis was found wearing a t-shirt reading "Buy this Dad a beer". Classy.

Mr. Lewis you are no K-Fed!

Hit the Bottle

We passed through the primary and secondary fermentation stages of our Perk-A-lator Stout with reckless abandon. Most of it is hazy and cloudy and we would have it no other way.

Today we bottled a case worth of the brew - just a bit over of two gallons worth. The final gravity was 1.020. The recipe calls for a final gravity of 1.021 so we were almost spot-on. We added just under one half cup of brown sugar (original recipe calls for 2/3 cup for five gallons) for our three gallons. It was admittedly rudimentary math so carbination could range from flat to way too much head - which is obviously only possible when brewing beer. The aroma was that of a good stout. It was a close-to-black body with hints of deep brown. In short, we have high hopes for this one.

Give us another month or so before tasting and we'll offer up the final review.

Top 5 - Oktoberfest Brews

In a complete rip off of the fine motion picture production High Fidelity and because we had trouble finding more brews to rate, we bring you the top 5 Oktoberfests around. Next year we will look beyond the local Safeway and microbrew store, Franklins. This is a very unscientific analysis. If you don't agree with this list just keep drinking until you do.

5. Lienenkugel's: The Miller Lite of Oktoberfest brews. It pains us to say that because we have friends who grew up with the cheeseheads of Wisconsin and because we've had some other Lienie's and they were quite good. If your choice is Lienie's Oktoberfest or Miller Lite, check your wallet, flip a coin, and order up.

4. Mendocino: The Toyota Camry of the list. It's fine and has decent flavor - just like vanilla ice cream. It will never fail you and it will never blow your mind.

3. Spaten: The world's first Oktoberfest brewed in 1872. And it's brewed for THE Oktoberfest - the one in Munich. Also, one of only a handful of brews that meets the strict German rules and regulations for qualifying as a beer. Need we say more?

2. Sam Adams: Our introduction to this line of brews and we've been in love since day one - which is why our heart is a bit broken that we can't make it number one. It's got great malt flavors and is ever so sweet on the palette.

1. Brooklyn Brewery: All the benefits of Sam Adams with just a bit more flavor. A little sweeter but not so much that it will turn you off. It might not hurt that we're Yankees fans and bitter that our boys are golfing while those with red socks are playing in the ALCS. What can we say but go Dodgers! Yankee Stadium - moment of silence.

Admit it, you think she's hot.

The BeerSpotter

We are always pleased when we find a new gem - such as somebody else reviewing the microbrews so we can spend more time drinking them and less time blogging about them.

Today we bring you The BeerSpotter (aka Orr Shtuhl) of the Washington CityPaper. This week Orr is featuring Eugene City Tracktown 100 Meter Ale. Orr even goes so far as to tell you where to purchase the beer. We don't do that because we don't want to infringe on your sense of adventure - and because it never dawned on us. Go read the review to find out why you should drink this ale - we're too lazy to cut and paste it here.

We've never come across anything from Eugene City but we have a lot of experience with their brothers and sisters at Rogue. Some of us at DB have experience running the 100 meter dash. Running is hard and since we have a day job, and time for marginally read blogs, it's clear the Olympics (not even the special ones) are not calling. If you can't break a world record what is the point of running races?

Anyway, check out the BeerSpotter and the CityPaper What the hell - check out Tracktown 100 Meter Ale too.

XXX Action All the Time

Tonight we take a voyeuristic peek at Mackeson XXX Stout. Of course, we picked this brew strictly because of the "XXX" on the label. Mackeson is an import straight from England - apparently that little revolution didn't stop anybody from shipping the brews west. And we're all better off for it. Let's be honest, the foreign exchange students were always the hottest.

The beer is quite dark and opaque (would you say exotic?), which is always a good sign if you're going to be a stout. We were drinking from the 12 oz. bottle and when poured into the pint glass the head is thick and nut brown. What else would you expect from the head of XXX Stout? It's not the most complicated stout you'll ever drink but there's plenty of flavor. The Triple is a good, everyday beer - assuming you don't mind paying for it. Occassionally you might find yourself needing it so bad you will be willing to pay for it. Anyway, you can taste the nut flavor and the chocolate malts come through in the aftertaste. There is a bit of bitterness at the end as well - as there should be in a stout - but nothing that will turn you away for good.

If you can lay your hands all over this one we recommend it. If you're really good you can two fist it. Of course, you'll always think you can do better when you're having the Mackeson Triple Stout but we always think we can do better.

That Do Nothing Congress in DC

It's this or do real work. Classic Norm Peterson.