Congress: It's Just Like College

It takes a while to get there but Congressman Jared Polis (D-CO) funnels a beer with Stephen Colbert. The tea-bagging bit isn't bad either.

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Sensing A Theme

We kicked off this month with a double header, including a Mr. Kyle Wygle pulled over for driving a motorized bar stool while intoxicated. Not to be outdone by Mr. Wygle is Hutchinson, Minnesota's own Mr. Darwin Christensen. Mr. Christensen is on the block after apparently driving his lawnmower to the SuperAmerica convenience store while intoxicated to purchase gasoline and more beer. Yep, that's him pictured below. (Why are the always so handsome?)

In a story filled with great highlights this one stands out: "Christensen stopped at one point, and urinated on the side of the road and tossed away an empty beer."

Mr. Hutchinson faces DWI and public urination charges. In case you were wondering it is illegal in Minnesota to operate any motor vehicle under the influence.

Double Your Pleasure

Decisions, decisions. Despite several rounds of internal voting among the DBB staff we could not reach consensus on which story was more worthy of your time. So, we decided that with spring in the air we would offer the season's first official double header. Happy reading.

In Newark, Ohio, a man faces charges for getting so drunk he decided to drive his bar stool home. WBNS, 10TV reports that Mr. Kyle Wygle faces charges for admitting to police that he drank 15 beers hopped on his motorized bar stool (pictured) and then crashed it. Mr. Wygle is fighting the charges saying he didn't start drinking until after crashing the bar stool. Mr. Wygle offers this piece of advice to other bar stool riders out there: always wear a helmet.

and...

Louisiana Representative Jerry Gisclair wants to allow barbershops the opportunity to offer thirsty customers free beer, wine, or liqour. Said the AP article: "Gisclair said his bill is an attempt to put into law specific rules so that all cosmetology businesses — barber shops, salons, day spas — can serve a limited amount of alcohol while still allowing children in their businesses." As long as the barber isn't drinking we say bottoms up.

Cheers!

Reel Big Fish - BEER

Cheers!

Look, Up in the Sky

We are not intentionally grabbing only Florida drinking stories - we promise. A woman in Ft. Pierce, Florida was found drinking on the roof of somebody else's home. According to the article, the woman come down and leave but only if the owner gave her more beer. The woman, who was not identified in the article, faces a disorderly intoxication charge.

The AP went on to report that the woman "has been in trouble before".

Take Us into the Weekend Johnny

Merry New Year, Ya Hosers

Beer Drinkin' Woman

We should all wear blue pants like that once in awhile.

All I Wanna Do Is Zima Zima and a Boom Boom

As far as we can tell the official death of the '90s arrived on October 20, 2008. It started with the death of Layne Staley and ended yesterday with the announcement that MillerCoors LLC will stop making the malternative beverage, Zima.

Zima has been called a lot of things - crap, awful, Sprite with alcohol. To us, Zima is the godfather of today's pop-malt beverages in the same way Neil Young is the godfather to alternative music. Were it not for Zima we might not have Mike's Hard Lemonade, Smirnoff Twisted, and any of the lame beers now being pushed with lemon and/or lime. For better or worse, there's a market for these drinks.

It's not the drink itself rather the memories it evokes. Wearing flannel and work boots with shorts like Eddie Vedder. Pretending to like Mudhoney because they're from Seattle. Wondering why Metallica dressed alternative and still played heavy metal (please remember to get your Metallica music legally!). Most importantly - watching Singles with your girlfriend and running off to the house party hoping to get her drunk on Zima while you forced down Natural Light Ice - because every beer was "ice" back in the day.

So, good bye '90s. Today we grow up and pretend to care about our jobs. Zima - well, we actually thought you left years ago.

Father of the Year - UK Style

The Telegraph reports today that one of the finer red coats, Randy Lewis, got himself hammered on the alcohol (and cocaine). Being the safe drive he is, Mr. Lewis had his son take the keys and drive home with several other passengers. Mr. Lewis' son is 10 years old - but he is mature beyond his years. According to the story, Mr. Lewis was in the vehicle with at least one other adult.

Reaching speeds of up to 90 MPH (144 KPH for our metric friends), the kid flipped the vehicle. After the crash, the other adult passenger was seen stuffing her face with pills until police intervened. Mr. Lewis was found wearing a t-shirt reading "Buy this Dad a beer". Classy.

Mr. Lewis you are no K-Fed!

That Do Nothing Congress in DC

It's this or do real work. Classic Norm Peterson.

Ladies Drink for Free

It's back - and now it's legal. New York federal Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum threw out a case in Manhattan that claimed ladies nights discriminate against men by offering free or discounted admission and drinks. Attorney Roy Den Hollander brought the suit because he's tired of women getting things for free - and because he is just doing his part to reinforce the stereotype that men are idiots. According to CNN, Roy said the judge is a feminist.

We are big supporters of ladies nights. First, it means the bar will have ladies and, unlike Roy, we like the ladies. Second, it means more people drinking beer in the bars. And we like the drinking. Finally, if ladies drink for free on ladies night that means we don't have to buy drinks to get them drunk.

Roy, some unsolicited advice - go find a ladies night, have a beer (actually, have several beers), and talk to some of the ladies like most normal men. In your case, I'd recommend a fake name and probably lie about your profession too. If you are man, and we have our doubts, lying should be easy enough.

Boy Meets World

If the younger me and the elder me could have created this musical number I'd be spending less time in the cubicle...and more time on Dungeons and Dragons. I come from the Empire of Ismer!

Are You Ready For It?

Alright, so the National Football League opened its season some 10(ish) days ago but this was really opening weekend for us at DB. You see, some friends with little consideration for the sports interests of others decided that last weekend would be great for a wedding in New England (which it was - even though I am not a Patriots fan). You may have noticed that fall is sometimes in the air and the Oktoberfest's are on tap so it must be time for football...and apparently weddings.

Rather than trek down to the normal haunt for some action, we decided to make a run for the hills and see if there is a place to watch the Buffalo Bills while keeping an eye on the other 1PM (Eastern) games. What we found was the Pour House - a place that, upon entering, harkens one back to the days of yore when the city was in its early days. The Pour House is dark, cool, and real. They feature all the games and several fine brews. The Pour House has only one drawback, which is offering the typical football specials - $10 pitchers for Miller Lite and Bud Light. If they offered either for free I'd still pass. So it was - Sam Adams Oktoberfest by the pint. And I had one or two or...

The important news is that the good guys are 2-0 and you can find the highlights just about anywhere (like here). I had my brew and though it was a bit ugly the Bills are sharing first place with the vaunted New England Patriots. I guess they have to be "vaunted" until they at least lose a game.

Whatever you do please do NOT go to the Pour House. The staff, despite being overworked are friendly and efficient. Your neighbors at the bar are happy to chat about any team and any game and anything you're drinking. There's a good crowd but not a huge crowd. You can make a few friends but don't have to shout to be heard. Frankly, if word gets out you all will start going and ruin the whole experience for me. So really, find some place else to watch your football.

How to Get Free Beer

Well, it works in Canada, eh.