The folks at Miller Lite and Coors Light continue their marketing genius.  It almost reminds you of the resurgent pony wars in the auto industry.  First the Mustang was reborn.  Next comes the Challenger.  Today, the Camaro is back and better than ever.  Every year the Big 2.5 in Detroit strive to make their ponies out muscle the competition making enthusiasts shrill like little school girls (we confess to being part of this "enthusiasm").

To ensure that the 21-30 (or 18-24) age demographic is distracted from the miserable taste of these brews Miller Lite and Coors Light market the container rather than the product.  There's really no need to change the bottles or cans.  Just show scantily clad women for 30 second increments during the game and the college kids will keep buying the cheap swill.

And while we're on the "we drink it precisely because it's cheap swill" topic.  There's no shame in that for poor college aged people or for the folks at Miller and Coors.  We all grow up and earn more as our tastes get  more "sophisticated".  The good news is that there's always a new generation behind us to fill the gap we might be leaving.  Sure, the generation behind us doesn't get it - they're lazy, tweet too much, elitist, and expect work-life balance and a high salary with no real job experience...wait, this sounds familiar.  Anyway, on to the fun...


The Vortex Bottle.  Designed to make it look like your beer is pouring in a circular motion - like if you were drinking from the toilet.  But it doesn't really do anything, which is evident in the Vortex commercials.  Sure sounds neat though.

The Vented Wide Mouth Can.  It's the same aluminum can but with a wider mouth.  This makes for better chugging at Saturday's frat party.  Faster chugging means you get drunk faster after the football game (or before the game).

Steve Has A Cousin in Illinois

Dennis Cretton had a problem. Due to a previous drunk driving conviction, Mr. Cretton is without a driver's license and he needed a beer. More specifically, Mr. Cretton needed a 12 pack of Milwaukee's Best. What's a man with a thirst to do?

The 49 year old Belleville, IL resident drunkenly hops on his yellow riding lawnnmower and heads to the nearest gas station on a beer run. Authorities tried to stop him when "Bretton drove the mower into his home's front yard, his 12-pack of Milwaukee's Best spilling onto the ground along the way."

Cretton is free on $10,000 bond.

Badass on the Block

Kid Rock is giving up on the Coors. On July 4th, Drinks Americas Holdings announced it started brewing and kegging beer for Kid Rock's American Badass Beer Company. The initial brew, an "easy to drink" American style lager, will be available first at a two-night Kid Rock show on July 17th-18th at Comerica Park. "Easy to drink" sure sounds like a nice way of saying you taste like Coors.

After the shows, the beer will be distributed throughout Michigan. According to one report, kegs will come first, then 12 and 22 ounce bottles. Sorry G's, there is no plan for the fortie.

We like Kid Rock. We also like beer but if you have to put the word badass in the name, it probably isn't badass. And we couldn't help but throw in this video report from the folks at truecountry.tv. Seriously, we dare you to watch it.

Pension Plans Under Attack

Some of us have been following the fates of the American auto industry. One of the great unknowns is what happens to the pensions of retirees, particularly if you're a GM retiree.

Let it be known here that the auto industry retirees are not alone in their plight. Yesterday, Bloomberg reported that Molson Coors is slashing a key pension benefit. Retirees who gave their life's blood to make beer will no longer get their 864 free beers they have been getting each year. Beginning January 1, 2010, retirees will get only 12 beers each month free. That's right, not even one per day.

The real bombshell: "In five years, the retirees won’t get any free beer from the Denver-based company."

You read that correctly. No more free beer for retirees. One employee, who asked to remain anonymous, was quoted as saying "why would I bother to work for M-C anymore? I mean, Coors beer isn't really worth buying."

You Don't Drink the Can - You Drink the Beer

The big brewers often rely on big marketing to sell there ware. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Any company needs to promote its product. Frankly, we can admit one guilty pleasure is a good Bud Light commercial. Today, we focus on MillerCoors and their efforts to increase market share by spending $100 million (and that's just for Miller Lite) on marketing rather than product improvement. Please, just stick with the Swedish Bikini Team.

Miller Uses Hops. Yep, just like every other beer, Miller Lite uses hops. You've seen the commercials: "How does Miller Lite get all that great pilsner taste? We add the hops not once, not twice, but three times during the brewing process." How you can add hops 3 times and get zero flavor is a discussion for another day.

Cold Beer Labels. Miller Lite's equally weak cousin, Coors Light, offers a labeling system that actually tells the consumer when the beer is cold - just by looking at it. Open the fridge and check the label on your Coors Light. Don't bother wasting all that energy extending your arm into the fridge and touching the bottle. If the label is blue the beer is cold...and your wife is pregnant.

Bottle Caps Keep Air Out. The engineers at MillerCoors have for years struggled with keeping their beer fresh. Recently, they discovered "taste protector caps" that actually keeps air out and the beer in. It gives you all the protection you need, which is probably why your wife is pregnant.


Footnote: According to the Wall Street Journal, we can thank advertising companies Bogle Bartle Hegarty and Interpublic Group's DraftFCB.