With Friends Like That...

Coming to you straight from the "true dumb crime" files we bring you the story of Adam D. Bierig. Mr. Bierig was desperate for beer money. He found a wallet sitting inside a police cruiser. He broke into the police cruiser and stole the wallet - and the officer's badge.

Mr. Bierig was arrested after his friend turned him in to police.

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The break-in itself was simple enough -- prosecutors say Bierig spotted a wallet in the locked car, which he entered after forcing the window down far enough to reach the lock. He then fled, prosecutors say, with the Lakewood officer's badge, police ID, and credit cards in his hand.

Bierig allegedly showed the badge to a friend before discarding. The other man then reported the theft to police.

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According to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Bierig said he needed the money because he was homeless and he bought beer with the money.

Blizzard 2010

This is what we did about it...

Super Heros

Carrying on with the post-Halloween news.

Irony Tastes Like Beer

James Miller, 20, of Cincinnati, Ohio dressed as a breathalyzer test for Halloween and the fuzz picked him up for suspicion of driving under the influence. That's right, he's not even the legal drinking age (we're assuming Ohio is on par with the rest of the country). The story goes something like this:

"Oxford police arrested James P. Miller after allegedly finding him driving the wrong way down a one-way street with no headlights at about 1:30 a.m. Nov. 1., according to a police report.

Miller, who was allegedly stuffing his mouth with chewing gum, told the officer he did not have anything to drink that night, according to police."

The conversation went something like this:

Miller: I swear ociffer, I haven't been drinkin'.

Officer: You were driving with no headlights.

Miller: Well, uh, jeez, it's easier to see with the natural lighting.

Officer: The wrong way down a one way street.

Miller: I didn't see the sign 'cause it's dark.

Mr. Miller blew a .158 and is pictured above. We could not locate a picture of the breathalyzer blowing into a breathalyzer. That is probably just being greedy but we looked anyway.

The Public's Assistance is Requested

Albany, GA - Almost 500 cases of pure swill were stolen yesterday at 8:30 am from the Florida/Georgia Railway and today local police are asking for your help. Contrary to reports, this theft does not have white trash written all over it. OK, yes it does.

Within hours of the theft, police apprehended Randy Price. Police were able to recover 37 cases of the stolen Coors Light. "He is charged with theft by receiving stolen property, interference with government property and driving while his license is suspended." Mr. Price is currently relaxing in the Dougherty County jail in lieu of $4,500 bail while his truck relaxes in the impound lot. According to police officials other arrests are forthcoming.

"Anyone who has any information regarding this incident should call Crime Stoppers at (229) 436-TIPS (8477) or the Albany Police Department at (229) 431-3288."

Source: Albany Herald

Badass on the Block

Kid Rock is giving up on the Coors. On July 4th, Drinks Americas Holdings announced it started brewing and kegging beer for Kid Rock's American Badass Beer Company. The initial brew, an "easy to drink" American style lager, will be available first at a two-night Kid Rock show on July 17th-18th at Comerica Park. "Easy to drink" sure sounds like a nice way of saying you taste like Coors.

After the shows, the beer will be distributed throughout Michigan. According to one report, kegs will come first, then 12 and 22 ounce bottles. Sorry G's, there is no plan for the fortie.

We like Kid Rock. We also like beer but if you have to put the word badass in the name, it probably isn't badass. And we couldn't help but throw in this video report from the folks at truecountry.tv. Seriously, we dare you to watch it.

Happy Days, Oh Happy Days!

The European Journal of Clinical Nutrition confirmed today what we suspected was always little more than urban legend. The oft-dreaded pot belly is the result of genetics and not beer.

Sure, those who drink more than 33 ounces* of beer daily will gain weight. According to Fox News, "An eight-year study of more than 20,000 beer drinkers found that although heavy drinkers put on weight, it wasn’t necessarily around the belly."



*For those counting at home, 33 ounces is just under 3 bottles of beer.

Crying Over Spilled Beer

Chicago area residents faces major rush hour delays this morning when a tractor trailer filled with beer overturned at 6:00 am local time. According to reports, "the truck was on the ramp from the southbound Tri-State to the inbound Eisenhower."

The upshot is there were no injuries and it was only a Miller Lite truck.

Second Class Citizens Sit in Fenway's Cheap Seats

That's how it must feel anyway. Having spent much of our entire sporting lives in the cheap seats, we find this story particularly disturbing.

Today's Boston Globe explains that fans in the grandstand can only get up, disturb everybody around them, and wait in a very long concession line to purchase their beer. However, the beer vendors are selling their goods in just about every other part of Fenway. According to the article, "[b]eer vendors at Fenway Park can ply their trade in the field boxes, the dugout seats, and up in the pavilions, areas where customers pay more for their tickets. Fans elsewhere have to fetch their own."

The article goes on to note that this is not the case at other Major League Baseball stadiums or at Gillette Stadium. Part of the problem is that the Boston Liqour Licensing Board is not interested in expanding seat side vending at the park. The other problem is the Red Sox - who fear that increased vending in the cheap seats would add to congestion in the aisles. The article quotes team spokeswoman Susan Goodenow as saying, "fans don't mind getting up" to waste 2o minutes standing in line for a beer. Of course they don't, their Red Sox fans.

The liquor authority sums it up thusly: "It's elitist."

And yes, that is a picture of one of New York's finest selling beer in the cheap seats of Yankee Stadium.

Love Hate Love

InBev, you continue to be the bane of our existence. You are the corporate version of that relationship everybody has once in life. She's relatively pretty or even hot, somehow mysterious (maybe it's the French accent or maybe she's goth), the sex is crazy, the partying is crazier, late nights and work hangovers are the norm. It's white hot for three minutes and you spend the next 6 months (sort of) trying to end things. Looking back you loved every minute of it. You hated every minute of it too. InBev, you are the destructive relationship we can't escape.
Why can't we let you go? It's the beer. Stella Artois (for telling the bar you are a beer snob), Hoegaarden (bitches n' hoes), Leffe (we don't know what "abbey beer" means but we like it), and Budweiser (back to our roots, American).

Why do we hate you? We gave the benefit of the doubt when you gobbled up Anheuser-Busch and you promptly thanked us by dismissing much of the St. Louis staff. Now we get the 1-2 sucker punch of price hikes and discontinued free beer at theme parks. Starting in march your prices go up a meager 3.5 percent but, in case you didn't notice, there's a recession going on (see this story on the 2.6 million jobs lost in 2008 as a primer). We don't have rugrats running around but we always assumed the best thing about kids was taking them Busch Gardens so they can hit the rides and we can get a free beer for our troubles. Thanks for ending that. Now the kids will get to spend more time in the library and at math camp.

Holiday Tragedy

The cursed residents of Wheat Ridge, CO dealt with another in a series of recent tragedies yesterday when another semi-trailer filled with beer overturned on Interstate 70. The driver was heading eastbound and exiting Highway 58 just after high noon and apparently failed to hit the ramp at a slow rate of speed. The truck was carrying more than 70,000 lbs of beer, including 160 kegs and more than 1,000 cans of beer. According to reports, this is the third truck to roll on what we are now dubbing "Devil's Off Ramp" since August of 2008.

The truck, owned by Central Refrigerated Services, Inc. was said to be coming from the Coors Brewery. The good news is that the driver was not hurt and the spilled beer was apparently Keystone, which nobody drinks anyway.

Look, Up in the Sky

We are not intentionally grabbing only Florida drinking stories - we promise. A woman in Ft. Pierce, Florida was found drinking on the roof of somebody else's home. According to the article, the woman come down and leave but only if the owner gave her more beer. The woman, who was not identified in the article, faces a disorderly intoxication charge.

The AP went on to report that the woman "has been in trouble before".

Not That There's Anything Wrong With It

We've seen Crocodile Dundee so we know that generally Aussie men are akin to the American cowboys of the wild west. The likes of Jessie Spencer, Hugh Jackman, that guy on The Mentalist, and even Heath Ledger (what, is it to soon?) make us wonder every now and again but we shrug it off because they always hang out with hot chicks.

Then the fine folks at Reuters reported on a survey that found Aussie men are more likely to drink champagne than beer and talk fashion and hair over football (seriously, hair?).
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CANBERRA (Reuters Life!) - The survey found 75 percent of Aussie men were more likely to bring champagne and a cheese platter to a barbeque, rather than the traditional box of beer and raw meat for cooking.

One-in-two men also now favored yoga or pilates exercises to football and cricket at the weekend, the survey of 500 men for boutique brewing company Barons found on Tuesday.

"Many single women are crying out that its almost impossible to find a real man," Barons Chief Executive Scott Garnett said.
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FYI Australia - the metrosexual thing is out. Not that "out" we mean no longer trendy.

We need a Foster's right about now.