Hey, This is A Family Blog

So, you will find no photographs directly attributable to the following news items. That said, they're damn good stories. The news just writes itself sometimes.

Mesa, AZ - Police in Mesa were called when a man claimed his girlfriend was damaging his windshield and rear window. The officers walked up to the door of her residence hoping to speak with her about the matter. "She answered the door naked and holding a beer, telling the cops she had just been skinny dipping." In her conversation with the police the woman explained that she did not cause any damage to the vehicle in question. She also called the police "pigs" and refused to answer any other questions. Also worth noting is that she caused the vehicle damage with a dog leash (read into that what you will).

Broome, AUS - Taking you half way around the world to Australia where a tourist was hospitalized after getting drunk and breaking into a reptile park in an attempt to ride a crocodile.  After being kicked out of a nearby pub, the gentleman entered Broome Crocodile Park and attempted to ride a 16 foot crocodile named Fatso (cue the Crocodile Dundee jokes).  Fatso shares his pen with two female crocodiles.  Sargeant Roger Haynes of the local police said "[h]e has attempted to sit on its back and the croc has taken offence to that and has spun around and bit him on the right leg."  Said Fatso after the incident: "there's only so much of Fatso to go around and two ladies livin' in my crib is trouble enough."  The intruder's name is not being released - presumably to protect him from the abject humiliation that will be brought down from friends and family.

For putting up with lame news stories we offer you this Muppet gem:

The Public's Assistance is Requested

Albany, GA - Almost 500 cases of pure swill were stolen yesterday at 8:30 am from the Florida/Georgia Railway and today local police are asking for your help. Contrary to reports, this theft does not have white trash written all over it. OK, yes it does.

Within hours of the theft, police apprehended Randy Price. Police were able to recover 37 cases of the stolen Coors Light. "He is charged with theft by receiving stolen property, interference with government property and driving while his license is suspended." Mr. Price is currently relaxing in the Dougherty County jail in lieu of $4,500 bail while his truck relaxes in the impound lot. According to police officials other arrests are forthcoming.

"Anyone who has any information regarding this incident should call Crime Stoppers at (229) 436-TIPS (8477) or the Albany Police Department at (229) 431-3288."

Source: Albany Herald

Steve Has A Cousin in Illinois

Dennis Cretton had a problem. Due to a previous drunk driving conviction, Mr. Cretton is without a driver's license and he needed a beer. More specifically, Mr. Cretton needed a 12 pack of Milwaukee's Best. What's a man with a thirst to do?

The 49 year old Belleville, IL resident drunkenly hops on his yellow riding lawnnmower and heads to the nearest gas station on a beer run. Authorities tried to stop him when "Bretton drove the mower into his home's front yard, his 12-pack of Milwaukee's Best spilling onto the ground along the way."

Cretton is free on $10,000 bond.

When in Rome...

We've been in Italy the past couple of weeks playing tourist, exchanging nuptuals, and...drinking beer. Fortunately, 3 of our 4 readers were in Italy so it's unlikely anybody noticed the lack of posts. Since we walked just about every city block of both Roma and Firenze we figured we burned enough calories to drink up both wines and beers of Italy (we did not, however, find ourselves in the home of Italian friends at 5am).

L' Olmaia - left outside our honeymoon suite by a little angel (or two), this brew can easily be mistaken for a wine because it comes in a very wine-like bottle and both labels are in Italian. If you don't speak Italian it might take a few minutes of label investigation to figure out it's a beer. We are hear to say it's a beer - and a good one. It pours a nice, cloudy amber with a thick caramel-to-eggwhite head on top (the head dies fast though). Coming from Siena, you would expect the somewhat fruity flavor and will remind you of a weak IPA. It has a dry, clean finish. Don't worry about the size of the bottle because you will drink it all in one sitting.

G. Menebrea e Figli - 150th Anniversery Amber. GMF did just fine for their anniversery brew and we know because we sampled a lot of it. It pours amber like the L'Olmaia but GMF is very clear. The head is big and white. Also like the L'Omaia it's a bit fruity to the taste but GMF is more complicated overall. There is no dryness to GMF at the finish but you will go back for more.

Nastro Azzuro - It tastes like it sounds. One fellow traveler aptly called it the Miller Lite of Italian brews.

A Little Father-Son Road Trip

In our continuing series that highlights the lowlights of drinking and fatherhood we today bring you the story of Joshua Fagan of somewhere in or near Fort Myers, Florida. Having recently lost his job in construction and his wife to divorce Mr. Fagan did what many of us might do - he had a few drinks. As is sometimes wont to happen, Mr. Fagan had enough to recognize that he was in no condition to drive. He apparently was drinking at home so being impaired and not driving is good but doesn't get you the same bragging rights as if you were smart enough to cab it home from the bar.

Here's where the story gets interesting. Mr. Fagan was not done drinking and decided that rather than break the law he would simply have his 9 year old son drive to the store for some more of the good stuff.

The local CBS affiliate, WINK (seriously, the CBS affiliate is WINK? Florida is messed up) followed the story. Here's a portion of Maggie Crane's Peabody-worthy report:
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REPORTER: "We have this police report. Would you care to comment on the safety of your son?"

FAGAN: shut the door to his home without comment.
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Riveting.

Keeping It All in the Family

Indiana state police arrest a woman for drunk driving and it appears she was driving with her child. Not the best decision making but that's not the point. According to the article, the troopers called several family members to pick up the child. First, the father shows up drunk to pick up the child - he too gets arrested. Then the grandparents show up and turns out they had been drinking. Fortunately for the child, grandma was under the legal limit so officers escorted the happy trio home.

GO HOOSIERS!