I Want to be in A Secret Society Too

As our nation mourns the passing of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia we continue to learn about the circumstances surrounding his death. Late yesterday, the Washington Post broke news that Justice Scalia spent his last moments of life with the International Order of St. Hubertus where he was a high-ranking official. A secretive fraternity for hunters dating back to the 17^th century, the “knightly order” places an emphasis on hunting and, almost certainly, world domination.

Of course, IOHS is not the only secret society. There is the well-known Bohemian Grove. Yale University has Skull and Bones. The New World Order, which may or may not exist. The Secret Society of Happy People, which I can only imagine is a front for marijuana smokers. The Illuminati, which may or may not share membership with NWO. The Freemasons. The Klu Klux Klan. The Boy Scouts. The list goes on and on. Actually, a quick Google search identifies an untold number of these societies leading one to believe the definition of the word “secret” is loosely applied.

Today, we add to the list.

Introducing the top secret, members only, St. Gambrinus Society. The SGS is a secret fra-sorority of homebrewers and craft beer drinking individuals with questionable moral character.  Individuals will only be considered if they are male or female or both, gay or straight or LBGTQ, must be considered part of at least one race or ethnicity, maintain income that is considered within the 99 percent or the 1 percent, be cool, be nice, and be fun. Members must be be of legal drinking age.

The St. Gambrinus Society is hereby established to: 1) create, consume and support high quality homebrew and craft beer, 2) find a cure for hangovers, and 3) achieve world domination.

The supreme leader of the St. Gambrinus Society (me) shall be known only as the Grand Brewbah. Next steps include creating other leader and membership titles, designing a crest, develop a secret handshake, and other corporation-type stuff I'm sure. And an official ring, we definitely need that, too.

If you're interested in becoming a charter member of the Society you may request an application by sending an e-mail to dumbartons.beer@gmail.com. It wouldn't hurt to throw in a couple of Bitcoin.

Who is St. Gambrinus? We’re not entirely sure but if he existed he probably liked beer. From the Catholic Exchange:

“St. Gambrinus is not really a saint. In fact, it’s unclear whether he was a real person or simply a myth based on real personages. Nevertheless, St. Gambrinus embodies the joyful enjoyment of alcohol, and has even been credited by some with being the inventor of beer. Other say he learned the art of brewing from the gods, and still others say he simply was a man who could down epic amounts of beer. Regardless, he is famous in European folklore for typifying the merriment brought by the blessed brew.”